Other countries must be looking at Britain right now thinking we have lost our minds, and they would be right. Collectively as a nation we are in dire need of therapy, a couple of sausages short of a full English.
We clearly have a split personality, and suffer from extreme status anxiety. We are tormented by feelings that we should and could be doing much better for which we beat ourselves up or blame and take it out on others. We are getting fatter and deeper in debt. We fear a loss of control.
Just like in the Oscar winning film, Inside Out, Fear, Anger and Disgust are taking over and Joy seems to have gone missing. Apparently the only way we seem to be able to get Joy back is to rebuild our core memories of British greatness.
The Leave Campaign is constantly urging voters to 'Make Britain Great Again', but relatively speaking Britain already is pretty great, whatever that means. After all, how great do we really need to be? As great as a wall in China? As great as a bowl of Frosties? As great as my great-grandma?
Therapists often encourage their patients to regain their sense of perspective and see the positives in their lives and we need to do the same. We are a small island nation - we don't have to be the best at everything. Do we really feel that insecure that we have to go and show people who is boss by throwing chairs around public squares in France? That's just weird! Get some help! Are we really such control freaks that we can't delegate responsibility or leave others in charge for a bit, because we're afraid others won't do things in exactly the same way as we would?
They say by leaving the EU we will get our freedom back, but relatively speaking we have more freedom than many other countries in the world, where human rights don't exist and any level of democracy is just a dream. Our quality life is relatively good, we don't live in a war zone or endure periods of famine and drought, we have access to free healthcare, low levels of corruption and strict gun control laws. Life here is pretty great.
For some people this just isn't good enough. They want to be THE GREATEST, to call the shots and to be respected for our greatness. Personally I would rather Britain was universally known and respected for other things, like tolerance and friendliness, sense of humour and rationality, clarity and focus, all those qualities that a well adjusted person in no need of therapy possesses.
So get a grip, Britain, and be proud of who you are and what you have in your pocket right now. Stop being greedy. Don't gamble away that stack of chips that other players are eyeing up enviously. We may not have the biggest stack anymore , but we are still definitely beating the house.